What’s with Saturday?

Before I get back on designing my grand ma’s Birthday invitation, I would like to write  down my thoughts and frustrations today.

Give me a break and let me rant about life and what’s on it.

For the whole week, I been worrying a lot, for being a mortal being, for being just a temporary visitor, up to the most typical work problems and continuity approaches and work around.

We, humans only lived for a short time, our time is always up to the higher up and of course our own will to live. I am believer of self healing and mind control. I always think that if I tell myself that I can then it would happen.

I’m observing patterns lately, from having a bad day to having the lucky day of the week. I even check my psychic ability to forecast and estimate what will happen next. Most of the time, I am right. I fear my self sometimes that I becoming more pessimistic and this ability didn’t help me at all but it’s a gift maybe I can predict things base on patterns and behavior. I am not always right, but I guess I have this ability ever since.

Enough. I had enough kind of Saturday. I went to a plenary, which is really sound elite but I am really scared to compete, I know I have a good concept but without anyone helping me out, my concept is just an idea, noble words without action and execution.

That’s why, I told myself, this things makes me uncomfortable and it’s going to be exciting, I will stop stressing myself but rather, I will start focusing on what can I do. I will learn AI, I will be part of shaping the future technology and that is my way of giving back.

For now, I will focus on learning, I will hold on my faith and believe in myself once again. I may not be the most technical person but I can always be like that, all I need is perseverance.

I went back to the province and when I arrive my mama is a bit stress, I can see that she is tired. I am getting emotional right now, literally crying and my eyes are getting blurry.

My mama is the most lovable person I ever know, I find comfort with her, she is my home, my strength when I feel so down, she is the reason why I keep on fighting on whatever illness I have right now.

I beginning to hate myself lately, why was I not driven by money but rather by career that surrounded by people who didn’t even support. A career with an environment that I feel so threaten and insecure. I choose to stay because of work and the people, even if they didn’t support me and even if they keep on pulling me down, it keeps me alive, it keeps be excited.

Back to my mama, she is stress with my younger brother, who’s girlfriend is a bit rude and ill-mannered. I think my mama is a victim of a first impression last to this girl. I admit the girl is big turn off, she is an epitome of laziness and bad introvert attitude. This is one of the reason why my mama is getting sick and her eyes is getting bad. It was still red. Me and my older brother is really worried for my mama. She didn’t like the idea of visiting the doctor, this with my very supportive father. My father is kind of self-declared doctor who only rely on books because he can’t search the internet. I am really pissed off but I have to stop worrying and keep on pushing my mama to go to the doctor even if my father keeps on resisting.

Lastly, I think I need to really study AI and all the stuff around it. Maybe it would save some life. Just maybe.

And this is my Saturday wrap up, my rants and the kind of Saturday I have.


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