Today

Today I cried and laugh a lot 

I cried because the past is hurting me 

I cried because I can still feel the pain and sadness of loneliness

People bullied me a lot, they say and spread rumors and accusation about me. I am not a saint either, I did bad things in the past but those are part of yesterday and my feet are moving forward.

One day, karma will come, but for now I’ll stay strong, I’ll continue to deliver even if people hurts me a lot. Even if my eyes are swollen because of the tears and sorrow of being alone. 

Maybe people with the same wavelength will appear and show up to me but for now I’ll focus on those people who believe me. I’ll focus on moving forward and just continue to praise God with my simple ways of giving. 

I just choose to smile

I feel okay today 

It’s like how everyone say

We commit mistake and be sway

We move forward and go nay 

This is life 

This is not like a swipe

To move forward and be safe 

A smile and a chance to go beyond 

I’m off today

Yey! I’m off today and I feel so lazy and frustrated. I actually ate two cup of rice and a can of century tuna afritada. I didn’t take my breakfast again and I got stuck on watching the NBA game between Celtics and Cleveland.

I ate a lot and I feel so frustrated how can I loose weight. I am a 27 years fat loser who can’t control my craving on eating habit.

The real culprit is my sleeping pattern. I been sleeping so late like 2 am for almost two months already or more. I should put a stop on this because my health is at risk. Though I am not sure how. I should really tired myself so I can fall asleep easily right?

And I decided to push my self really hard to change my lifestyle.

What is my ideal lifestyle then?

I woke up at around 5:30 am , for the next 15 minutes, I am reflecting and straight to drink my 350 ml water in my bedside table. I fix my bed and prepare my breakfast.

My breakfast is a blanch carrot and some sweet cucumber. I ate them raw and I drink a freshly squeeze how lemon water.

This take me half an hour to complete, at 6 am, I prepare myself to take bath. This take me another 45 minutes to complete.

Before I take my work clothes, I did some 15 minutes high intensity training then I ‘m off to work. I feel so tired with the session but I feel energise

I end up my routine with a 5 minutes calming meditation

By 7:30 am, I am about to leave my apartment/room to travel to work. Traveling takes about one hour and while riding the train, I again meditate and think of only positive thing.

I arrived at the office. I get some water from the pantry and start on logging in to my machine. I check on my to dos on my planner and check emails. I put some flags on the items I need to do and perform first my priority BAUs.

I will be spending 1 hour each week to do some automation of reports and another 1.5 hours to transition and upskill my team members on my reports.

I have still 6 hours to perform some of my BAU stuff. But then I realise, I need to perform another 1.5 hours for team deliverables like meetings, updating logs and ensuring capacity is up to date.

That brings me to only 4.5 hours to perform my BAU activity.

I ended up my work by 8:30 pm and arrive home at 9:30. I got home and take a warm shower, then I did a 15 minute yoga meditation. By 10pm, I’m drinking my hot lemon juice and preparing to go to bed with my book on my hand and candle at my bedside. By 11 am, I fall asleep, dreaming of another fruitful day.

It’s been quite a beautiful routine.

For Her 

It’s when we feel that life is a little bit stressingIt’s when all the worries seems unending

It’s when all the pain are so surreal 
That’s when I feel I’m giving up 

That’s when the life is ending
The lines are long

All people are waiting

A chance 

A glimpse of hope
And when I thought to let it go

And when I thought its ending here
A light shine so brightly 

A meeting of new tomorrow 

A beautiful future

It’s all because of her 
An amazing woman 

A mother so selfless 

A friend and companion 

My glimpse to a blossoming hope 

What’s with Saturday?

Before I get back on designing my grand ma’s Birthday invitation, I would like to write  down my thoughts and frustrations today.

Give me a break and let me rant about life and what’s on it.

For the whole week, I been worrying a lot, for being a mortal being, for being just a temporary visitor, up to the most typical work problems and continuity approaches and work around.

We, humans only lived for a short time, our time is always up to the higher up and of course our own will to live. I am believer of self healing and mind control. I always think that if I tell myself that I can then it would happen.

I’m observing patterns lately, from having a bad day to having the lucky day of the week. I even check my psychic ability to forecast and estimate what will happen next. Most of the time, I am right. I fear my self sometimes that I becoming more pessimistic and this ability didn’t help me at all but it’s a gift maybe I can predict things base on patterns and behavior. I am not always right, but I guess I have this ability ever since.

Enough. I had enough kind of Saturday. I went to a plenary, which is really sound elite but I am really scared to compete, I know I have a good concept but without anyone helping me out, my concept is just an idea, noble words without action and execution.

That’s why, I told myself, this things makes me uncomfortable and it’s going to be exciting, I will stop stressing myself but rather, I will start focusing on what can I do. I will learn AI, I will be part of shaping the future technology and that is my way of giving back.

For now, I will focus on learning, I will hold on my faith and believe in myself once again. I may not be the most technical person but I can always be like that, all I need is perseverance.

I went back to the province and when I arrive my mama is a bit stress, I can see that she is tired. I am getting emotional right now, literally crying and my eyes are getting blurry.

My mama is the most lovable person I ever know, I find comfort with her, she is my home, my strength when I feel so down, she is the reason why I keep on fighting on whatever illness I have right now.

I beginning to hate myself lately, why was I not driven by money but rather by career that surrounded by people who didn’t even support. A career with an environment that I feel so threaten and insecure. I choose to stay because of work and the people, even if they didn’t support me and even if they keep on pulling me down, it keeps me alive, it keeps be excited.

Back to my mama, she is stress with my younger brother, who’s girlfriend is a bit rude and ill-mannered. I think my mama is a victim of a first impression last to this girl. I admit the girl is big turn off, she is an epitome of laziness and bad introvert attitude. This is one of the reason why my mama is getting sick and her eyes is getting bad. It was still red. Me and my older brother is really worried for my mama. She didn’t like the idea of visiting the doctor, this with my very supportive father. My father is kind of self-declared doctor who only rely on books because he can’t search the internet. I am really pissed off but I have to stop worrying and keep on pushing my mama to go to the doctor even if my father keeps on resisting.

Lastly, I think I need to really study AI and all the stuff around it. Maybe it would save some life. Just maybe.

And this is my Saturday wrap up, my rants and the kind of Saturday I have.

Sunday Adventure

Lately, I becoming more and more lazy to write. I know, I should not because I have a lot of things to share and tell the world.

I been to a lot of different places for the past few weeks and I can’t really believe that I have able to do that.

First in my adventure was visiting and attending a mass in Manila Cathedral. I felt that someone is guiding me when I enter the church. I been longing for a miracle to happen lately and I know one of this days, it will happen but for now I will stop on worrying and enjoy what God have given me.

img_5243.jpg

The church architecture is amazing, its very classical but I must admit that it was not huge as I imagine. Maybe one day, when I met the one, I will get married in that church. I really felt that it was my home, second is the GreenBelt Chapel of course.

After I completed the mass, I suddenly got a hiccup, maybe I am just in love with the church at that very moment. I went to the nearest fast food which is directly opposite the church and grab some water and of course to eat since it is almost lunch.

 

I, first went to KFC but I realise that I am allergic to chicken so I switch to Chowking and ordered some fish meal. It was a fulfilling lunch. Without any plans, I went ahead and walk toward the church again to take some pictures and find my way back home. I thought, I just need to find Luneta Park and ride train but something came up suddenly, Manila Ocean Park is pulling me.

I walk about 2km (based on Google map), with Manila Cathedral as my starting point and Manila Ocean Park as my end point. It was a very tiring walk and stressful indeed. I felt that I am the only one who is walking on the streets but I keep on thinking that I just want to explore. I have able to see the location of Planetarium, visited San Agustin Church, found a way to commute to Intramuros and an unexpected museum and souvenir shops. It was a lot indeed.

I reach Manila Ocean Park at around 1:30 in the afternoon, I keep on contemplating if I will go for the Christmas Village or the other package and I realise that I should have trusted my instinct and go with the Christmas Village as I am not pretty impressed with the Jelly Fish Exhibit, find it really boring but magical in some parts.

 

I wasted some money but I enjoyed the Oceanarium, which is the main reason why I want to go to Manila Ocean Park. I saw Nemo and Dory and even their cute friends. Gosh, I think I also saw Patrick, the starfish from Sponge Bob Squarepants, sadly no Sponge Bob.

The Sharks are really amazing, they  are cute and lazy but probably deadly.

I realise for this adventure that I been missing a lot for not travelling. I been crazy being afraid to be alone and being with people. This serve as my gateway to finally be a little brave and re-think about my life purpose. I heard it from a friend that our purpose is already in front of us, it’s our daily responsibility but I must disagree with him, I think I am uncovering that my purpose, our purpose is the one that will make us feel the life that we have. It’s a journey toward self-discovery and life interdependency.

IMG_5313IMG_5247

Soon, I will travel more, whether with some one else or with just myself, after all, I am travelling now with purpose, to feel the life with nature and people.

The other side


Along the way 

I hear you say

An empty words 

Sharp like a sword

I am not okay

I am battling inside

I am doubting a lot 

Then I look around 

A glimpse of new tomorrow 

A beautiful sound

A daunting place 

Of the other side