He’s getting on my nerves!

Hey Journal, I been struggling for a while because of this person.

Adults will preach about being a leader is something I must do to resolve this but what do they know?

Do do they really feel the weight on my shoes?

I been suffering for a while because of a 38-years old turning 39 years old colleague who don’t know the meaning of team work.

Changes, yes, we are on that point that our project is going through a lot and here comes the subordinate who can’t even cooperate.

I am a driver (the not so literal) and I have very high expectations with people. I can’t control my emotion because I feel that being honest is something I must do to live happy.

I was advise to become subtle, and I feel that this is so unfair. Why do I have to be someone I am not to tame a useless tiger? Why do we just let him go and help him find his craft.

I want to rant and shout to him so that he can wake up to the harsh reality of life.

“My dear, you have to be strong to be alive, life is not always a journey of soft roses and sweet candies.”

I am so done with this person, for the coming days ahead, I will try to do what adults suggest. I will act up and maybe it will end up on killing the useless pretentious tiger, and eventually this tiger, is not really a tiger but a mouse who hides his true identity behind those papers.

I’ll win this quest, not because I have to prove to be a leader but because I wanted this to end as soon as possible.

 

 

 

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My Kilig Story

And because Valentine’s Day is coming up, I decided to share with you guys, my kilig or the so called, romantic story in my life.

Do you believe on the saying that having a crush on someone for the longest time is not consider as a simple infatuation but rather can be consider as love?

I think, I am indeed in love. I am floating in the air, grinning endlessly, I am shaken by this guy, my long term infatuation might be turn into love.

So, the story goes, I was been dating Rob for a month, I randomly met him in the streets. Then after a month, he decided to dump me upon learning that I am afraid of commitment. Seriously, he doesn’t even try to persuade me.

Then, I realise that maybe, I needed to be more honest and so I told him that it’s fine and that it’s my problem. I keep on comparing every guy I met to my long term crush. So I decided to take the responsibility on my action. The challenge is that I will be honest to my crush and tell him that I have a long time admiration with him.

And so I did… I message him, one rainy afternoon…

“Hi Tom, I have something to tell you, you are my ultimate crush since college. This is just a crush right, but not love”

I waited his reply and I thought our friendship will end there but I was wrong.

He told me that it makes him happy and smile.

After that day, we continue to communicate and he even sends me his selfie. He is totally teasing me.

My heart is at ease now, knowing that I become more honest.

As of this moment, we continue to become good friends and for Rob, I totally ignore him in my life.

Tom and I might become something real or not because we both have priorities. I haven’t found self yet and he haven’t reach his dreams too.

We banter sometimes and there are times that I wanted to ignore him because it makes me feel sad that we can never be more that friends. Though it can true, he keeps on messaging me and I just can’t refuse to be his friend too. After all, he is the only one that remains true and kind with my silliness and mis adventures.

And that’s it. My romantic, not so tragic story. Actually, we met last year and I wanted to call it a date but nah, let keep it as meeting my good friend.

I hope I have able to inspire you that even if it’s not a happy ending yet, don’t be afraid to continue to love again and build yourself to be a much better person. You may never know that sooner or later, a twist can happen.

 

**All names are fiction.

Annyeonghaseyo!

So there, I just completed my solo (mis) adventure in Seoul. I learnt a lot of things and I failed often maybe because I didn’t asked for help most of the time. I am afraid to trust and to believe people around me. I listed a whopping 11 lesson learned and guide for my next solo adventure in Seoul.

It all begins on my T-0, the D-Day! Before I went to the airport, I bought some more toiletries and medicine. I also change my plan OOTD because I saw how ugly I look.

Around 1 pm, my supposed to be plan to leave the flat is around 10 am for my 5:45 pm flight (It’s my first time traveling abroad, that’s why, I’m pretty over acting!), I hail an Uber and luckily the fare is just around 250 – ish, straight to NAIA Terminal 3 and a bonus is that the driver is female one. She is driving my dream car by the way, a mirage GLS, and she is a mother of one. She is very approachable and motherly, thus, we just talk and share stories for an almost 1 hour drive to the airport.

Now, I arrived at the airport, around 2-ish and straight to Cebu Pacific lane to check-in but before I got my boarding pass, I need to pass a very long line and when I reach the counter, the ground staff, told me that I need to pay first the Travel Tax (uh-oh) but luckily, she told me that I don’t need to take a line, I just need to go to pay the travel tax and just return on the same counter and get my boarding pass.

Its quite easy to pay and I return very quickly to the counter.

After that, I saw a FOREX and so I decided to exchange my peso to dollar, but the counter asked me where am I going and I told her that I’ll be going in South Korea and they offer me won so easy as that, I got my Korean Won.

Then, here is the moment of truth, the line that I am really really afraid of. The Immigration Line, gosh it get me on my nerves. So here is a quick tip, fall in line in the shortest line because the officer will be quick and kind.

Before I enter the dungeons of the immigration officer, a security guard told me to relax. Maybe I really looked tense so I just follow him and relax.

In the line, I met this Fatherly figure, I really don’t know his name, maybe it’s better that way, and he told me that he is going to Malaysia for work and all. We made a very quick chat as well and warm me on the frost bite on the nail as well as advise me to be ready as this my first time flying abroad.

Now, it’s my turn, and the officer, didn’t even bother to asked me where I am going. I just gave him my passport and boarding pass and do the necessary biometrics.

I just passed the IO but wait, I was been scolded by not following the proper exit. Well, it’s my first time so I really don’t know.

I almost feared that they will take back their stamp and so there I went to my Boarding gate.

Sa flight naman ang nakatabi ko Koreano, napaka snob pero narealise ko di sya marunong mag salita maybe he is just there for business trip so all through out, wala akong kausap… anyway, sa flight, ang sakit ng ulo ko. I am a bit worried nga kasi baka mamaya sumabog ang ulo ko and all those things na nababasa ko during flight. Sobrang takot ako kasi nasa tail end ako eh grabe pala un, feel na feel mo un pag slant ng airplane.

Okay naman cebu pacific, ang mali ko lang dapat nag order ako ng meal kasi sobrang gutom na ko. nag dasal na lang talaga ako sa flight na sana makarating na kami agad kasi ayaw ko na sa plane.

So ayun natatatamad na ko mag sulat.. hahahaha next part I’ll vlog it. I’ll tell you how I almost lost in my first day and I met random strangers.

Twenty 17

It’s been almost a year but not quite. I been moving in circle and I am afraid to get out. I have a lot of ideas, those random crazy one but I am holding back.

2017 was started a bit rough because I tried to blend in to what usually is normal. The normal thing is dating and all those things that I have to go through. I was not prepared and I am just going into the flow or come what may. Right now, I’m thinking about it and was a bit disappointed with myself because of what I did.

I cried, got crazy and become immature or could I say, I become a selfish person back then. Now that I remember it, I think I have learned lesson that is to really know myself and I think my upcoming trip to seoul will help me assessed what I really want.

I think being alone and a bit helpless will push me to discover the real me.

I’m been thinking for quite sometimes of all those mess that I have done in the first quarter of 2017 and I feel embarrassed. I questioned my self if I really did that but well, past is past and all things will passed by.

I have a brand new 2018 to dive in.

The latter part of 2017 is actually good anyway, I have been promoted (finally!) and then I have able to met old friends which I am actually happy.

I also develop a crush on someone but it was just a temporary attraction because it’s complicated. (I think he’s gay, GAY RADAR ON)

Overall, it’s a rollercoaster of events and all those emotions. I think I’ll do well next year again and continue to enjoy the life even if I am not really sure what will happen.

I should worry less about the future, right?

#uneditedletter

Crush

Yes, nagka crush din sa wakas, finally normal ako. Last friday, I had this training and then I saw this guy, he’s not that super gwapo and all. He is freaking bossy nga eh but he has this kind of charm na nakakaattract. May bago akong crush, ayiieeeee

Pero hindi ko na sya makikita and he’s like heaven at lupa ako. Anyway, nag stalk na rin ako and he is single,sa itsura ba naman nya na un. I actually stared to him sa training, baka naman kasi makuha sa tingin kaso niiwasan nya ako, FOCUS! that what he has.

Oh snap, sana naman di sya bading, nauubusan na ko ng lalaki sa mundo dahil sa mga bading but anyway, he looks straight namn but very blunt…. As in

Iyakin

“Iyakin” is a tagalog slang for cry-baby. Well, I am one of it. I cried again and my eyes are now swollen, I can imagine tomorrow, the puffiness is going to explode.

Anyway, I am getting emotional this days and maybe this is because of the PMS and all the hormonal imbalances of my body.

Any how, I cried because I feel that I am not appreciated by what I do. I cried because I feel weak and I feel that I am just trying hard to fit it. That feeling of being left out and out-casted.

The tears run dry and I am now harvesting the fruit of it.. The big swollen eyes.

But one thing I hate it about it is that I feel terrible that in this human world, adult can’t cry in public because people will think that they are weak and they are immature and all those low grade kind of person. Though, I always think otherwise because people who show their weakness are the strong one. They are the brave one who accept that they cry  just like a normal human being. I hope the stereotyping of this humanly world will be gone but I think I better play my part for the mean time.

I will never stop on crying in public, I will never suppress of my emotion. I will laugh hard, sing and dance out loud and show the world that human needs to have those qualities to be able to live the  life to the fullest.

For me, crying is not a sin, no I will not be a shame of shedding some tears and fighting for what I believe is right.

Now that the storm are calm and everything seems back to normal. Let’s smile again and welcome a great tomorrow.

 

A ghost and me

Someone is ghosting me indeed. Last November 11 2017, I got another panic attack and this one is a bit creepy. It all happened while I was sleeping in a transient house in Baguio. It was a fun night and a great day but that evening, I just slept for about 1 hour, I wake up breathing heavily and something heavy is at my back. I feel so afraid that I dont know what to do and then the attack happens.

I think another thing that trigger this is the noisines of a non sense drunk who keeps on blabbing some stupid jokes. I really hate the noisiness of the whole room and a whisper of a judgemental eyes.

After that attack, i went back to normal without knowing how they response, I just knew that they are laughing hard and I feel so insulted but maybe I was just possessed by random ghost because while it was happening to me, I feel so irritated and wanted to get the first trip to manila and shut the effin mouth of the noist drunkard jerk.

Anyways, I’m back to normal and things will pass by like the clock passing by every minute.

To make story a bit creepy, the attack happened at exactly 3am. Ooohh, is that a devil’s hour?